the Munch Crossover Chronicles
by tpchicken
Summary: He's been seen in the X-files and the Beat, plus Homicide:life on the street and countless Law & Orders, now see our favorite Detective, John Munch, in all your other favorite shows!
1. Introduction

Authors note and disclaimer: With the cameo he did on Law and Order: Trial by Jury recently, Richard Belzer became the only man to play the same character on 6 different TV shows. He's the only one ever to play the same character on more than one different network. So that got me thinking. How many shows could I put Munch in and it be viable and believable?

Thus was born this: the Munch Crossover Chronicles. (This'll probably ruin my reputation as a decent writer!) These will be a collection of one shot stories putting Munch in all sorts of TV shows. Beats me how long I can pull this off, but it'll be fun right? Email me if you have an idea for a crossover. It will probably only work if I've seen the show though….

And of course, no matter where he goes, I don't own the character of John Munch or anybody else in the L&O franchise. Nor do I own anything else I'm writing about. I'm just doing it for fun! ENJOY!

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In the television world there are many characters and many plots. Each day they play out unbeknownst to each other. But on occasion these lives intersect causing a crossover. There is one man who knows this life well. His name is John Munch and these are his stories…

(Doink Doink)


	2. FRIENDS

Friends meets John Munch

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Monica Bing worked in her emacuate kitchen, cooking up a new dish for dinner. She imagined her husband would be home soon to their small New York apartment. Her two best friends, Rachel and Phoebe sat in the living room, Rachel was surrounded by fashion catalogues and Phoebe strummed a tune on her guitar.

"Smelly cat, Smelly cat, why are you sitting here!" Phoebe crooned as she played the instrument.

"Pheebs, please, can't you sing a different song? I can't concentrate on the new fall lineup for Bloomindales!" Rachel complained.

"How 'bout we stop singing all together, before you cause my souflee to fall!" Monica chided.

"Fine," Phoebe pouted as she threw her feet over the armrest of the chair she was sitting in. Monica just cringed.

"I hope Chandler gets here soon, or dinner will be ruined!" Monica worried.

Just then a knock on the door startled all three woman. "Who could that be?" Monica asked.

"Nobody we know, they don't knock, they just come in!" Rachel said.

Monica walked around and opened the door. An older man with attractive gray hair dressed almost all in black and wearing tinted glasses indoors stood there. "Hi, I'm Detective Munch of the NYPD, Special Victims Unit. I don't mean to alarm you, but there was an attack on one of your neighbors two floors down last night, and we were wondering if any of you heard or saw anything?" the older man flashed his badge.

"I didn't hear anything, but please come in. Maybe one of my friends hear something," she waved the detective inside. "Rachel, Pheebs, this is Detective Munch, someone was attacked last night, were either of you here?" Monica asked.

"Attacked? How?" Rachel questioned.

"I'm with the Special Victims Unit, we deal with sexually based offenses," Munch explained.

"Oh my god!" cried Rachel. "Here? But how? Are we safe, should we bolt the door? We should buy a dog."

"Calm down, maam. There's nothing to worry about," Munch explained as Rachel dragged him to the couch, bombarding him with questions. Phoebe looked the detective up and down and then walked over to the kitchen were Monica was.

"Isn't he hot?" she asked.

"Who?" replied Monica.

"Detective Munch!" said Phoebe.

"What? Are you crazy?"

"No! He's tall, dark and hansom, and I want him."

"Isn't he a bit, oh I don't know, snarky?" Monica asked.

"Snarky is sexy!" explained Phoebe. She smiled at Monica and put on her best 'sexy face' and walked back to where Rachel and Munch sat.

"Oh detective, I was hear last night," Phoebe said as she sat next to Munch. She leaned in and pressed against Munch's chest. "Will you protect me?"

Munch was obviously taken aback. "Did you see anything?"

"I'm seeing something now," Phoebe replied.

"Phoebe!" Rachel scolded. "You were playing Central Perk last night!"

"Oh, right," Phoebe sat up and pouted.

"O-Kay then, well I'm just going to go," Munch stood up. "If you do hear anything, here's my card."

"Wait! I have more questions!" cried Rachel.

"And I think you're sexy!" cried Phoebe.

"Phoebe!" Rachel and Monica cried together.

Just then Chandler walked through the door. "Hi honey, I'm home!" he called to the three women.

Munch turned to the new man, "Where were you last night?"

"The hockey game with Joey and Ross," Chandler replied.

"Good," said Munch and quickly exited the apartment.

"Wait!" cried Phoebe, trying to get across the room to stop Munch.

"Woah! Who let in the Jewish Mafia?" Chandler joked.

Monica just glared. "The hockey game? You told me you had to work late!"

"Uh oh," said Chandler.

Phoebe picked up her guitar and wrote a new song.

"Munchkin!

You came kin,

There was a break in.

You came a talkin'

I wasn't fakin'

I looove you!

MUNCHKIN!"

XXX

Das Ende!

XXX

Author's notes: I know what you're thinking! 'Why, oh, why is she writing this horrible drivel?' Because I'm a silly git, that's why. This is probably a combo of 'too many Friends reruns' and the urge to use 'Jewish Mafia' and 'Snarky is Sexy' in a fanfiction. I hope it made you laugh; I was smiling when I wrote it. And yes I know it has no plot. But the point of the MCC is to get Munch into as many TV shows as possible. So some will have plots and some will be mindless drivel. Either way, I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks a bunch for reading!

NEXT UP: STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE


	3. Deep Space Nine

Author's note: What do you get when you watch too many Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episodes? This bad crossover fic! Hurray! This isn't as funny as the last one, sorry, and there's mild plot. Enjoy!

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"The moon landing was a complete hoax! It was a decoy to distract the American public from what was really happening in the government," complained John Munch.

"If that's true, why am I living on a space station millions of light years away from earth?" asked Dr. Julian Bashir.

"The whole thing is a conspiracy. I'm telling you!" complained Munch.

Bashir just laughed. He had been a bit skeptical when his cousin had sent him this new holo program about a New York City detective unit from the early 21st century, but after a few trips, he was surprised how enjoyable it was to interact with the characters, especially John Munch. He was kind of like Garak, without the Cardassian nonsense.

Like Vic Fontaine, Munch understood that he was a holosuite character. Unlike Vic, Munch had been a real person, had lived a real life, and had solved real crimes. This was most intriguing to Bashir, who was always open to a good mystery. There were no more humans like Munch around anymore. He was distrusting, suspicious, and secretive, and yet had joined the police force, something Bashir found to be contradicting to what Munch believed in, and yet he made it work. Plus he was a very good detective. Bashir had learned much from the older detective.

"I hate to break this to you, but there isn't many conspiracies these days," Bashir explained. "Humans and other species all work together."

"Optimist," chided Munch. "You're a doctor anyways, what do you know? Now are you going to help me finish this paperwork or not?"

Bashir laughed. He was about to reply when the computer cut him off.

"Medical Alert. Doctor Bashir to the habitat ring, level 31, section 24, room 17."

"Sorry there Munch, duty calls! Computer, door!" and with one swift movement, Bashir departed.

"This paperwork doesn't do itself!" but Munch's complaint fell on deft ears.

XXX

"What's going on here?" a confused Bashir asked as he entered the private quarters.

"This Ensign has been attacked," said Odo allowed. He then pulled the doctor aside. "She's not talking, but I think she's been sexually assaulted."

"A sexual assault!" Bashir was stunned. "But we haven't had that sort of thing here since the Federation has been here. Are you sure?" Bashir turned and looked at the young Ensign. She had to be only 24 or 25, fresh out of the academy. She hung her head in shame, her short brown hair covering her face. He instantly felt sorry for the girl. Sexual assaults did still happen, but were very rare because of advancements in human nature. Holosuites were a great help as well.

"Uh, Odo," Bashir started. "This should probably be handled as delicately as possible."

"Are you implying, _Doc-_tor, that I'm not delicate?" Odo questioned, his eyes peering deeply into the Doctor's own.

"All I'm saying is that she's probably very fragile right now, and probing questions would not be in her best interests. Eventually she should probably talk with Ezri. Have you ever handled a sexual assault case?"

"Well, no, the Cardassians didn't really believe in such things, and this is the first one," Odo explained.

"Then I suggest you might need some help. I know a holo character who…"

Odo cut Bashir off, "You want me to take help from a holo character on a real crime?"

"He wasn't always a holo character. He was a real detective on earth, back in the early 21st century! He dealt only with sexually based offenses. He knows a lot Odo, I think you should consider at least consulting with him." Bashir explained.

Odo huffed in disdain, "We'll see."

"Good," said Bashir. "Now I'll take this young lady back to the infirmary and let you secure the crime scene. I'll let you know the results of the exam when I'm finished. Meanwhile, his name is Detective John Munch and Quark is keeping the program for me. It in with my others, the one marked SVU."

"Fine," grumbled Odo. Bashir escorted the distraught woman away and Odo looked around a surveyed the scene. Maybe he was going to need help on this one, he just didn't want to admit it, yet.

XXX

Later, Odo stood facing the holosuite doors. He felt ridiculous and the whole thing was absurd. Grumbling to himself, he pushed the button and walked into the false reality. The office he walked into surprised him. It was dimly lit and a bit grungy. Rows of empty desks faced him and he took in what was New York in the 21st century. The hologram of John Munch sat at a desk near the exit door, his feet propt up on his desk, his nose buried in a newspaper. Odo cleared his throat to get the other man's attention.

Munch peeked out from behind the city section. "May I help you?"

"I'm Constable Odo, Chief Security Officer for Deep Space Nine."

"Detective John Munch, Grand Poobah of the Jews in New York City."

"Excuse me?" Odo eyed the other man, confused at the reply.

"Never mind. What can I do for you?" Munch asked.

"There's been an assault in the habitat ring and being sexual in nature, Doctor Bashir thought it best if I consult with you." Odo continued to explain the facts. The Ensign was attacked in her quarters, the perp has been in the room waiting for her. The door had not been tampered with, and there were residual signs of a beam in and later a beam out, meaning he somehow used a transporter to enter the room. Unfortunatly not much made sense to Munch, being from a different era, he was unfamiliar with new technology.

"This would be much easier if I could see the crime scene," he complained

"That's impossible, you can't leave the holosuite," said Odo.

"Well, can I speak to the victim?" Munch asked.

"She's in the infirmary, I doubt she'll be ready to go anywhere for awhile."

Munch sucked in an exhasperated sigh. "This is pointless then. I really can't help you without more information. I will say, it was probably a personal attack, I doubt he'll attack again. He wouldn't have gone to the lengths you've talked about, unless he had only one victim in mind. I wish I could just talk with your victim for a bit."

"I'll talk with Doctor Bashir and see what we can do," and with that Odo turned swiftly and walked out. He hadn't gotten much help, but on the other hand, it wouldn't hurt a bit to hear a second opinion.

XXX

Odo had gone straight from the holosuite to the infirmary to check on his victim and consult with Bashir. Bashir had mentioned a portable holo emitter that was founded on the starship Voyager to use with their Emergency Medical Hologram, so he could wander the entire ship. Once Voyager was able to contact Starfleet again, they sent the schematics to command. Bashir was hopeful that they could use this to allow Det. Munch to wander the station. They had talked with Chief O'Brian, who agreed to whip one up for them.

Later that day, the shapeshifter and the doctor stood once again in the holosuite. Bashir was trying to convince Munch to use the portable holo emitter, but the detective was skeptical. He peered at both men over his dark glasses.

"So you're saying that I just attach this 'thing' to my arm and I should be able to walk around your 'spacestation' without problem?" he questioned.

"That's right," said Bashir. "Straight out those door and into the future."

"But how can we be sure? How do you know that I just won't disappear forever? I've already died once, I don't need to do it again!"

"This is pointless," cried Odo. "If he doesn't want to go, I can solve this mystery myself."

"But Odo…" Bashir began.

"Did I say I wasn't going? I'm going. Look, I'm grabbing my coat and walking out that door!" Munch said defensively.

"Uh, Munch!" Bashir called.

"What?"

"The holo emitter? You're not wearing it yet," he explained.

Munch let out a trademark sigh, and attached the device to his arm. As the doors slid open, he took in what might have been his last breath and wrinkled his face as he cautiously put one foot outside the door. To his relief it didn't disappear from sight. Flinging caution to the wind, he exited the holosuite and was relieved to still be standing.

"Good. Now that that's over, may I talk to the victim?" Munch asked.

"She's still in the infirmary, follow me," Bashir explained. He led the other two men in the direction they should go.

Munch was surprised at this view of the future. First off, everyone seemed to be wearing pajamas to work. The design of the station was odd as well. He felt like he was walking through a big metal mall. He hated the mall.

They entered the infirmary and walked into the room where the Ensign lay. Munch motioned for the other two men to stay back and came up to the woman. At first the strange man took her aback, but then he gave her a warm smile, and she released the tension in her body a bit. He came up to her bedside and took her hand. He was gentle, yet reassuring, and she felt comfortable around him. "Hi, I'm Detective John Munch, what's your name?" he asked gingerly.

"Maria, Maria Alerva. Why are you wearing such weird clothes? And are those glasses? Nobody wears glasses anymore!" she asked him.

"Well technically I am a nobody. See, I'm a hologram. I actually lived in the 21st century, and these clothes were very stylish, even for a poor schmuck like me," Munch explained. "Constable Odo and Doctor Bashir asked me to help you. See, when I was alive, I was a detective for the Special Victims Unit, so I understand what you're going through. May I ask you some questions?"

"So you're not real?" she asked.

"I guess that's true."

"Then I feel comfortable with you."

"Good," Munch gave her another smile. "I know it was an awful thing that happened to you. Did you know your attacker?"

"Yes, it was my ex-boyfriend from the starship I last served on. He took the breakup really bad, but he had broken a dozen Starfleet rules, possessing illegal cargo, and illegal use of the transporter, things like that. So I asked to be transferred away from him, well I guess he got angry and followed me. He was waiting for me when I got back to my quarters. He said he was there to take what was his." Her eyes filled up with tears and Munch put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you for telling me this. I'm sure Constable Odo will have no trouble locating this man," Munch turned to relay the information to the others.

"Detective Munch?" Maria said. He turned back around. "Where in the 21st century did you live?"

"New York City."

"Did you know an Olivia Benson?"

"Sure did, I did work with her."

"I though you might have, she was my Great, great, great, great, great, great Grandmother. My family is from New York too."

"Good to see her family turned out so well! Thank you," Munch replied. The three men left the infirmary and after learning the info that Munch had gotten, Odo left to apprehend the perp.

"Olivia owes me," Munch said to himself.

"What was that?" Bashir asked.

"Oh nothing," Munch said.

"Well I'm impressed, she actually talked to you. She wouldn't talk to anyone, but she talked to you!"

"Its my job. When I first moved to SVU from homicide, it was uncomfortable, seeing the victims, knowing they suffered. But after awhile, you understand them, and they see that. They know you'll help them. It made the job worthwhile and you could forget the other crap," Munch explained. "Well I guess its back to New York, the future stuff creeps me out."

Bashir just laughed as they walked into Quark's bar. The new character walking into his bar intrigued the small ferengi.

"Does this delightful man have anything to do with the holoprogram Odo was asking me about earlier today?" Quark asked.

Doctor Bashir introduced Munch to Quark. "Quark? Isn't that the name of a German food made like yogert?" Munch asked.

"What is he talking about?" asked Quark.

"Nevermind," said Bashir.

"Well gentlemen, how about a drink? Or maybe a spin a the dobo wheel?" Quark offered.

"Quark, Munch is a hologram, he doesn't eat or drink and he has no gold pressed latinum," Bashir explained.

"Well then, what's the point? First a shapeshifter that doesn't eat or drink or gamble, and now holograms are running loose on the station! How's a ferengi suppose to earn some profit here?" Quark complained.

Bashir just laughed and steered Munch away from Quark and back to the holosuite. Munch was very confused. "What or who was that?" he asked

"Oh, just ignore Quark, Ferengi are very profit conscious people," Bashir said.

"We had a word for people like that on Earth, CEOs," Munch said.

Bashir changed the subject, "Thanks again for your help."

"My pleasure," replied Munch. "Let me know how it turns out. And you owe me one, remember, paperwork doesn't do itself!"

With that Munch walked back into the holosuite.

XXX

Das Ende

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Author's notes (redux): Thanks to all that like the Friends crossover. It was quickly written, I'm surprised at how many people reviewed. Yay!

Dan: Don't worry, I don't do reality show fanfic. And while I LOVE Survivor (coughgoTomandIancough), Munch couldn't be on a reality show because he's not real, I could put Belzer on Survivor, but his bony butt wouldn't survive. he he he

crazyrabidfangurl: Yes, I've seen Yu-Gi-Oh! (refer to State v. Bakura), but I stopped watching after Bakura disappeared, so I'm missing lots of the plot. I might add a Munch crossover fic to it later, if I can catch myself up enough to feel good about it.

SVUMyLife: I was thinking a Teen Titan crossover in the future? What says you?

georgied: Sorry if you're not a big DS9 fan. It was my first Star Trek love, (Bashir made me do it!). And I had to stop watching TNG after they killed off the blond girl security officer, she was my favorite. I hope you enjoyed nevertheless!

Anyways, thanks to all that have/will review! It's appreciated.

Next up: Alias or Lost, not sure yet!


	4. Kim Possible

Kim Possible meet Det. Munch

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"What's the sich Wade?" Kim Possible, teenage cheerleader and heroine asked her computer geek friend through her Kimmunicator.

"Drakken is in New York!" he explained.

"I'll grab Ron and we're on it. Can you get us a ride?" she asked.

"Sure thing Kim," Wade replied.

Kim ran from her locker to the cafeteria where she knew her friend and partner, Ron Stoppable, and his naked mole rat friend, Rufus, would be.

"Hey KP, what's up?" he said nonchalantly.

"Come on Ron, we've gotta go," she said grabbing him by his shirt.

"Drakken?" he asked.

She nodded. "Where?" he asked.

"New York!"

"Booyah! Let's go take a bite out of crime in the Big Apple!"

"Ron!" Kim said warningly. And with that they both headed out to the airport.

XXX

Once they had landed, Kim dialed up Wade on the Kimmunicator. "We need a ride Wade," she pleaded.

"Preferable one that can get you there ASAP?" he asked.

"Please and thank you!" she replied.

"I'm on it!"

Before they could even leave the airport, their ride was waiting for them. Leaning against a police sedan was a tall man, dressed all in black, peering at them over his shades.

"Det. Munch! Thanks so much for the ride!" Kim exclaimed.

"My pleasure Kim. I owe you one after you helped us take down that kidnapped babies scam," he replied.

"Oh it was no big, pretending to be a married couple with Rufus as our child is all in a days work," Kim explained.

"Besides, Rufus liked all the free milk he got!" Ron piped up.

"Mmm, Dairy!" Rufus squeaked.

Munch looked at the blond lad over his glasses and pointed his finger accusingly at him for emphasis. "I'm still watching you, nobody takes my milk duds and gets away with it."

Ron just smiled sheepishly as he and KP climbed into the back of the sedan.

"And no puking on the way their this time either!" Munch said.

"You eat one bad naco in your entire life, and you never live it down," Ron mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah, naco!" cried Rufus.

The police sedan cruised through the streets of New York to the location Wade had given them for Drakken's lair. "Well here you are. Good luck!" Det. Munch announced.

"Thanks again!" cried Kim as she ran away.

"And sorry again about the other car!" yelled Ron.

"Myeah, uh huh, sure, right," Munch mumbled sarcastically as he watched the two teenagers go off to save the day once again….

XXX

Das Ende

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Author's notes: Lame? Yes. But hey, they can't all be masterpieces. Can anyone else picture Munch animated, KP style. I can.  Oh, and if you don't believe Munch would eat Milk Duds, he would so, just watch Homicide:lots. Their his favorite candy! I just wanted people not to forget about the MCC, so I came up with this silly little thing last night. I hope you all enjoyed.

Yes, I know I said that Lost or Alias was next, but the truth is I need to catch up on the shows, so instead of committing myself to something next, I'll give to the pool of coming attractions. Feel free to comment or add ideas to the pool. All will be considered; maybe not all are plausible (its hard to write I show I've never seen!) Anyways thanks for reading and reviewing!

THE POOL: Lost, Alias, Teen Titans, Yu-gi-oh, and the list will grow later!


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